Forgive?

I’ve watched girls battle themselves about whether or not to fcuk with the same dude that broke their heart before. Shit, I won’t lie, I was one of those girls too. The question that always pops up in my mind is whether or not it’s that easy to forgive someone who has done permanent damage on your heart. Is it that easy to forget all the wrongs they’ve committed against you? Will you ever be the same again?
    One thing I can say about females is that not only are we born nurturer, but we have strong endurance, and we forgive easily. Hey, we might smash your car out, or max out the black card, but it’s our way of forgiveness 😉 We put up with a lot of wrongdoing, whether its by the same-sex or the opposite sex. My mother has always taught me to forgive and let go so that you can be free and blah blah blah. This is the same woman who poured hot water on my father while he was sleeping….pause….yeah. I know. But throughout all my heartbreak, I’ve always taken an introspective look on not only the relationship, but on myself as well. Let’s dive into my thoughts a little deeper shall we?
    Now someone please explain to me what forgiveness is when it comes to unhealthy relationships. Is forgiving letting go, leaving him or her in search of somebody new? When I say letting go, I mean COMPLETELY! No contact, no nothing! Or is accepting the person’s faults, and attempting to keep the relationship going called forgiveness? If forgiveness is involved in both of these aspects, how many times can one person forgive????
    Sometimes my mind opens and I begin to see forgiveness as a different form of love. If loving someone means to accept them for who they are and all their faults, isn’t forgiveness the same thing? To me, the difference between love and forgiveness is simple. To love is to make your entire world, your everything, about that one person you truly love. To love is being selfish in the simple fact that you want that person all to yourself, but loving is a wholly unselfish act and feeling because you are willing to do anything for that person. Now forgiveness..forgiveness is mostly about you. People tend to think that forgiving someone has to do with them..no hunny. Forgiveness is about how this person and their actions are effecting you. It’s about knowing what you can live with and what you can live without. It’s about letting go for yourself because you know you love yourself enough to do so. Unfortunately, it’s also about accepting someone else’s faults no matter how much it is hurting you.
    All in all, falling in love is easy, staying in love is tricky, and forgiveness is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m right..you let ya girl know!
Be Breezy!

JuiiCee

I WANNA B.U.D.D.Y! Musiq You Know Me So Well.

“Friends with benefits.” Could it work? Does it work? Or are we humans too susceptible to growing emotionally attached to someone we’ve had sex with?

I’ve always been intrigued by this concept. In my mind it is the perfect situation for a young free woman like myself. I figured it would be easy for me to enter into this agreement. I mean not many 22-year-old men want to be tied down. Shit, me neither! Honestly, I have been looking for the perfect B.U.D.D.Y. and would you believe I haven’t had ANY luck. Ok. before we figure out if im delusional and this arrangement cannot work let me tell you how I interpret a B.U.D.D.Y.

1. Someone who I am not ashamed to be seen in public with if the information does leak.

2. Someone who won’t run my name around town because they got the whole situation twisted.

3. Someone who I could call up every now and again and go bowling or some shit.

4. Someone who knows that when it ends, we can go with no hard feelings.

I think that is simple, but I think I am alone. I’ve tried to initiate this on more than one occasion and it just didn’t work. One person I denied because he tried to spit that I want a wife shit until I let him know what it was. I figured he volunteered a lie for no apparent reason and I would like to have some level of truth with my B.U.D.D.Y so he had to GO. A second male damn near fell in love and he didn’t even get close enough to read my thoughts so then I knew he couldn’t handle it.

I think with men, it’s all fine and dandy until you put em up on game then it’s a OH EM GEE moment. I had some men tell me this is the arrangement they wanted and when I agreed without flinching they got all funny style. I think some people still believe that women are looking for a husband hard body. They can’t comprehend that many of us don’t want to be tied down. I am surely one of these ladies. It doesn’t have anything with being independent. I don’t want a commitment because I do not want to devote myself solely to a man at this time in my life. I love to travel. party, I work and I am in school. I am very social and pretty happy so I  say I am fulfilled. But. Like every entity a bitch wanna get her rocks off and my slew of female friends ain’t gonna cut it. Who know’s maybe I got the game twisted and we haven’t truly got to this point in 2009. Maybe, men still expect us to be the jump off so they can be on to the next. Maybe it’s still taboo for a female to just want the physical with out the bullshit. WHO KNOWS. What I do know is right now I am looking for a B.U.D.D.Y and I haven’t given up.

Comments?

AnastasiaAlexia

Musiq Soulchild summed it up oh so well.

WHY? why, why, WHY?!

I honestly wasn’t even gonna write about this but I got my wig tight today, so you know I was choppin’ it up with the ladies at the salon and I went into preacher mode with some of these b*tches who call themselves women and mothers.

For the sake of this post, I think I’ll change people’s names. Now, my hairdresser Kelly, some of the patrons, and I were exchanging stories about mothers abusing their kids. I used to have a friend named Laura who told me that she was so broke at one time that she slapped her 3 month old baby across the face like she was a MAN simply because the baby was hungry, there was no formula, and no money to buy any. I ran quick to Target and bought a $25 can of baby formula and can you believe this trick didn’t come get it until a few months later?

A woman at the shop jumps in and talks about how bad her kids are and why parents need to straight beat their kids to show them who’s in charge of the household. She proceeded to explain to me that the reason these girls are fast and these boys are loose is due to the fact that they didn’t get their asses whooped.

Please tell me you are reading this and wondering if the woman I was talking with is a crackhead. I told her if I was DSS, I’d come and take her kids from her and on the way out, smack her in the eye with a dildo and scream “THIS IS WHAT YOU USE IF U DIDN’T WANT KIDS BITCH!!!!”

Now my mother is African..(Naija stand up!) and she gave me numerous beatings..only when I was in the wrong. As I grew older, I realized the fine line between discipline and abuse. My mother was the unwanted daughter of my grandmother and has such bad scars from an abusive childhood, that you wouldn’t believe it! The scars on my body are from stupid shit I did when I was younger…by choice.

What I’m trying to say is that there are millions of women out in the world who would give their eyes to be blessed with the gift of having children. There are those who have received this blessing but abuse the gift God has given them. There are always effects to inflicted abuse, and I’m not talking about the physical. For example, my mother doesn’t hug us or tells us she loves us unless it’s a special occasion. There was a time my mom would tell me she loves me once a year-on my birthday. I never doubted my mom’s love, I just know that she doesn’t know how to show it, because it was never shown to her. The relationship between mother and child should be beyond any love a woman has for a man and vice versa. The same goes for men, men and women alike should love their children because children are the best part of you. No matter how much you’ve fucked up in life, your child is your chance to start all over again. So to all my beautiful mothers out there struggling, just remember, don’t be like Laura, or that dumb ass woman at my salon. When you’re frustrated with your kid, tell them you love them. Take your kids out, be involved in their lives, find the medium!

God Bless, JuiiCee aka BettyBoop 🙂

Venus vs Venus

*Thursday is our day dedicated to all things relationship. We will discuss every type of relationship not just romantic relationships. This is our very first Thursday so bare with us while we get adjusted.*

 

Women are so quick to jump on the attack of what men need and don’t need to be doing, that it’s almost laughable; “You better not look at other girls!” or shit like “You need to do something with your life!” We’re also quick to tell a man he ain’t shit for the simplest reasons. But before we should even hop on the opposite sex, Ladies, we need to check ourselves first. Everytime I hear a new backstabbing story, or see the next girl trying to prove that she’s a badder bitch than I am, I often find myself asking, Why? Society has put us in what I call competitive slavery. It’s so hard for women to get along with other women simply because we often compare ourselves to the next woman, whether she’s your homie, or a female casually walking by.  I don’t care if your mom’s pink and your father is green, this notion seems to be internationally based on societal standards! Let’s face it, we don’t want our man looking at the next chick because it feels worse with him comparing her to you, than it would feel comparing yourself to her all alone. We tell someone else to get their shit together in comparison to your own life, almost as if we are silently stating that we are above all. As women, we need to establish who we are within ourselves, establish a relationship amongst ourselves woman to woman, THEN seek companionship, whether it’s through the opposite or the same sex. Stop trying to be the baddest bitch and just simply acknowledge that you’re a bad bitch! Where are all my SuperWomen at??

..I’m just saying..
Smooches!
JuiiCee!

Questions? Comments? Drop me a line at CompellingVibes@gmail.com